Polls: The New Millennium’s Guide to Government

Isn’t it interesting to see how both Political Parties are bantering about, flippantly spouting about how it would be “bad for the country” to impeach Clinton, due to the fact of the polls and his popularity? I have come to recognize an idea whose time has finally come, and I’m sure that I’m not the only one who has been struck by this new wave of the people and the government doing business in the best interest of the people, of course!(Ahem)

This idea about polls being the measuring stick as to whether our President will stay or leave is not such a bad idea. That is if this polling business were to be extended and become applicable outside the areas of governmental use. I realize this may be rambling and crazy, but stick with me, folks. I’ll take you on a new adventure, and you may be able to use certain polls to advance yourself in whatever areas of life that have been causing you problems. Bear me out, because as wild as this idea seems, I swear to you, it is “legally accurate”.

Okay, here we go! Let’s suppose that I (or you or anyone else) do not trust banks or savings and loan institutions. Their rates are too high, their CEOs are paid sinfully outrageous salaries, to rip off their customers. You overextend yourself and a check or two takes a little bounce. You know, kinda like they did up in DC when the dudes there kited a check or two! Well, when we have a bad break, we have to pay those huge “Returned Check” fees, and the fat cats get fatter. The banks are draining us dry. We bring home just enough to get by and then BAM…you lose your job due to “downsizing”. Your mortgage soon becomes as overwhelming to you as our national debt. The kid’s college money is not in the game anymore. Your life savings will not last long enough for you to re-establish yourself in the working community. So, you may say, what does this have to do with polls? So glad you asked. Follow me!

Here is where your underpaid intellect kicks in. First, you conduct your own scientific, non-partisan, politically correct poll, stating your case about you being broker than Web Hubbel, hungrier than Bill Clinton during a Big-Mac attack, and how you need to do something “for the children”. Secondly, this poll should be about how people would feel if people such as you and me would casually “force a gift or loan” from a bank or some other lending institution, seeing how the luck of our working environment has made that sucking sound south! You poll thousands of people and get “approval ratings” to justify what you are doing.

Now, you are ready to “go and force a loan” from your nearest bank or lending institution. That’s robbery, you may say. No way! It’s only one little bank, besides, I’m a good person, a good provider, and the children need the money. It’s the fault of someone else that my job went south. And besides, it’s my private life, so leave me alone! See how easy bank robbery should be? Damn, this could become THE WAY for conservative America. The liberals have been raiding savings and loans, and banks and such for years. And they do it with pens, papers, computers, and by proxy. We can have anything we desire now. All we need is for our poll numbers to be high enough to justify one little mistake. It really won’t be a crime…just a little case of “I misled people.” If it’s good enough for Bill, it’s good enough for me.”