My Way!

During these stressful and trying times in our country, I feel there’s enough written today about the war, politics, protests, the possibility of Laci Peterson and her baby washing ashore, the possibility of Michael Moore pigging out at the White House, and such. So for once, I decided to kick back and have a grin or two.

For starters, just a glance at some of the things making the news, from the actual source themselves, and accompanying that, is how I would report it if I could do it “MY WAY”.

Okay, first up we have an international barn burner: (from the source)
Masked Wrestler Wins Japan Assembly Seat (refuses to remove mask)

A professional wrestler who fought his way to victory in local assembly elections under his ring name and wearing his trademark mask has vowed the mask will not leave his face even after he enters the staid halls of Japanese politics.

“This is my face,” the wrestler — known as “The Great Sasuke” — was quoted by the Nikkan Sports newspaper as saying of his black and white full-face mask with bright scarlet streaks and golden wings by the eye holes.

“I won support from voters with this face, and to take it off would be breaking promises,” the 33-year-old wrestler, whose real name is Masanori Murakawa, said of his victory in conservative Iwate prefecture, some 460 km (290 miles) north of Tokyo.

This is just an Oriental version of Jesse (the booby) Ventura, except this guy does have some scruples. Imagine, Tom Daschle or even Robert Byrd… oops…sorry, Robert has already done that!

Take it a step further. Maybe even have a debate with about 10 different politicians, and have them all wear masks. Hey, a ratings war for sure. They would all have these radical and provocative names,, and even a few of them could have a “manager”. Talk about KA…..oh yeah!

Coming in at #2 is: (drum roll please)
From the St. Louis Dispatch comes this:

Drug dealers dump 3,000 pounds of pot in yard, police say

Not ones for subtlety, drug dealers last week pulled up to an East St. Louis mobile home in a flatbed truck and dumped 3,000 pounds or more of marijuana into the yard, according to charges filed in federal court.

The bundles, each as high as a man’s shoulder, were picked up later by others in a rental truck and secured in the basement of a nearby home.  On Friday, police, the FBI, and the U.S. attorney’s office revealed details of the delivery and the arrest of three East St. Louis residents. Officials called it an “extremely significant” drug bust. The deal was set up by Mexican nationals who have not been identified by authorities.

In court documents, FBI Agent John Jimenez said the alleged recipient of the marijuana, Desean Conners, 33, confessed, telling authorities that the Mexican suppliers wanted to increase his usual 50-pound supply; he expected a delivery of no more than 700 pounds.

Well, shazammm….and golllleeeee. Sign these folks up for the Darwin Awards.

As hard as it is to believe this story, on the other hand, I can relate to it. I’ve seen some druggie happenings that are still unexplainable. Suddenly, the guy on the receiving end’s credit rating goes way up. Think about that in the regular marketplace. One day, the bank loads up a truck and dumps half a million dollars on your lawn, just because they think you can do more. Yeah, right. Hey, that’s the American way, right? Sure thing, come on down.

CNN defiant after Tikrit firefight

CNN has denied that it set a “dangerous precedent” by hiring an armed guard to accompany one of its teams in Iraq, following criticism over an incident in which a CNN convoy returned fire. When reporter Brent Sadler and his crew came under fire from an Iraqi-manned checkpoint as they attempted to leave Tikrit yesterday, their Kurdish bodyguard returned fire with a machine gun. The decision prompted the international press watchdog, Reporters Sans Frontieres, to lambast the news organization for putting journalists’ safety at risk by creating the impression that they carry arms.

“Well, if nothing else in this war merits good, at least we’ve seen the liberation of CNN.”
Dan I’dRatherNot – CFBSNews

And then, weighing in is:

Celebrated Math Problem Solved, Russian Reports

[A] Russian mathematician is reporting that he has proved the Poincaré Conjecture, one of the most famous unsolved problems in mathematics.

The mathematician, Dr. Grigori Perelman of the Steklov Institute of Mathematics of the Russian Academy of Sciences in St. Petersburg, describes his work in a series of papers, not yet completed.

It will be months before the proof can be thoroughly checked. But if true, it will verify a statement about three-dimensional objects that has haunted mathematicians for nearly a century, and its consequences will reverberate through geometry and physics.

If his proof is accepted for publication in a refereed research journal and survives two years of scrutiny, Dr. Perelman could be eligible for a $1 million prize sponsored by the Clay Mathematics Institute in Cambridge, Mass., for solving what the institute identifies as one of the seven most important unsolved mathematics problems of the millennium.

Hey, dude. Allow me to sell you a clue…maybe even a vowel. Pie-R-Square….Cornbread-R- Round… Now, take it from there. (side note: damn, these ferners r stoopid)

As if all the above wasn’t enough, check this out:
Real-Life ‘Spy Who Loved Me’ Scandal( Chinese espionage The FBI with another scandal)

The FBI has been hit with another scandal, this one involving sex, money, and a double agent for the Chinese whose code name was “Parlor Maid.”

Federal prosecutors said a former agent responsible for tracking down Chinese spies had an affair with an alleged Chinese double agent and allowed her access to classified documents.

FBI Director Robert Mueller calls it “a sad day” for the bureau.

Former agent, James J. Smith, 59, recruited Republican political activist Katrina Leung in the early 1980s to become an FBI “asset” and became her “handler,” seeking information about the People’s Republic of China, according to an FBI affidavit.

The married FBI man and Leung, from California, had a sexual relationship from that time until Smith’s retirement in 2000, federal prosecutors alleged, saying the FBI paid her more than $1.7 million for services and expenses.

First off, there are already a couple of contradictions here. The code name of “Parlor Maid”, and then the $1.7 million. Not a bad day’s work for a “Parlor Maid”, huh? I sweep floors around here a whole lot cheaper than that. Parlor Maid….sounds like Ready Maid….or Easy Maid to me. And to think, I’m sitting here with a $10 Chinese bill, and nowhere to spend it. Oh, the horror.

Now, for a real lighter side, but not physically!

Sharpton calls accusations of disorganization ‘ridiculous’

Al Sharpton’s unexcused absence from a minority journalists’ workshop last week indicates a disorganized campaign in desperate need of help, say sources both inside and outside the Sharpton camp. But Mr. Sharpton dismissed such claims yesterday as “ridiculous.”

The Democratic candidate’s failure to show up for the Washington event Friday shows that his campaign, “in terms of a real political effort, is having trouble,” said Sam Riddle, a former political consultant for Jesse Jackson and Oakland Mayor Jerry Brown.

Stop the tape! “said Sam Riddle, a former political consultant for Jesse Jackson and Oakland Maor Jerry Brown? Puh-leze! Man, that verifies that, right? I don’t think so.

For a national-level candidate to miss such events indicates “that he has no structure in place to get him to events; he has no organization to speak of,” Mr. Riddle said yesterday.
Another political operative, a major contributor to Mr. Sharpton’s National Action Network, also worried about the state of the campaign.
“He is surrounded by people who do not have his best interests in mind,” said the contributor, who spoke anonymously. “He needs to get this under control or the campaign could implode before it gets started.”

A Sharpton adviser inside the National Action Network also said that the organization, even considering the early stage, “leaves something to be desired.”
But Mr. Sharpton scoffed at the notion of an addled campaign, and added that he will announce this week a campaign team that will “shock some of the Democratic insiders.”

Meaning, “I’m going to do something that will bring me some $ and some disgruntled votes, oh excuse me, that’s now known as disenfranchised! Chads, pimps… not a nickel’s worth of difference.

“We have operated on mostly volunteers for the campaign so far,” Mr. Sharpton said yesterday. “I think it is presumptuous to say we aren’t organized when we haven’t even announced our staff yet.

Don’t you just love it? Have operated on mostly volunteers. And this is the same guy who stood up and claimed that the suit he was wearing at the time, did not even belong to him. If you believe that, then back that dump truck from the bank on my front lawn….at your convenience.

Slot machine jackpot called a mistake

TULALIP, Wash. – Debra Hughes’ euphoria didn’t last long. She thought she had won $12,000 at a slot machine in a Tulalip casino. But resort officials told her the jackpot was a mistake because the machine was in the demo mode.

That’s a way technicians test machines that have been serviced. The demo mode is supposed to be switched off before customers start feeding coins into the slot machines.

While the casino is refusing to pay, slot machine maker Multimedia Games is promising to make good on the jackpot. Company CEO Clifton Lind says they’ll give Hughes the $12,000. But Hughes says this time she won’t start celebrating until she gets the check.

Demo mode! Yes, of course. Why didn’t I think of that? Next time you get stopped on the highway by an officer, tell him “Sorry, I was just relaxing in demo mode.” I’m sure everything will be fine. Not a problem. Wish I’d thought of that years ago.

But, my very favorite is this one:
Saddam hiding in fortress

SADDAM Hussein is holed up in a desert fortress with his generals preparing for a final bloody showdown, war commanders believe.

Yea, yea, yea. He’s also said to have been shacked up with the Ministry of Disinformation’s wife too. But who knows? He’s been dead, he’s been injured, he’s been on life support, he’s in Syria, he’s in Russia, he’s in….well, you get the picture. And yet, we have this huge “intelligence” factor…on the ground even. And yet, this is what we hear?

Imagine in our day and age, if the regular workplace/homeplace was like this. What fun would it be to talk to bill collectors on the phone? What a hoot. “No sir, he was here about an hour ago. Oh, he’s back. Sorry, he’s gone again.

Oops, he’s gone again. Wait, yes, he’s here. Nope, just appeared that he was here, but wasn’t.

Yes, the gentleman on my left…what was your question?

US troops who swept into his hometown of Tikrit were told by residents that Saddam was in the city four days ago.

But he fled to the desert village of Al Hawijah with his family, aides, and a personal army as Allied soldiers advanced on the city.

The dictator left behind hundreds of Fedayeen paramilitaries to defend Tikrit and buy him some time – but they folded as US Marines moved in.

Saddam has turned Al Hawijah – about 60 miles northeast of Tikrit and 50 miles west of Kirkuk – into his last stronghold.

Ever notice the similarities between Osama and Saddam, and even Arafat? The three of them are always bellowing to their sheep, urging them to give up their lives for the “cause”, while these yellow-bellied scum, hunker down beneath some mosque, hospital, or skirt to assure themselves of safety. Yeah, a real brave bunch. Hey people, you fight, I’ll get out of Dodge? Deal?

This next one would almost be funny if it were so pathetically stupid.
Boy sticks out Tongue, is Suspended

Sal Santana II, a 12-year-old Magoffin Middle School student, said he stuck his tongue out at a girl who declined his invitation to be his girlfriend. School district administrators viewed the incident as sexual harassment, suspended him for three days, and are considering placing him in an alternative school.

“This is crazy,” said Sal’s mother, Silvia Santana. “It’s a shame that a guy trying to be cute with a girl can get himself into this much trouble. I don’t think he even knows what sexual harassment is.” El Paso school district spokesman Luis Villalobos said no one with the district can comment on the case, but he said the events leading to Sal’s punishment were witnessed by a teacher at the Northeast El Paso middle school.

“This is a real sensitive issue, but one that is covered in the student handbook, which we enforce,” Villalobos said. “He’s facing the discipline that’s appropriate for the offense.” The school district has received four other reports of sexual harassment at the middle- and high-school levels this year, two of which were substantiated, Villalobos said.

Last year, four incidents — two from middle schools — were reported. Villalobos would not say what disciplinary actions were taken in any of the cases.

Silvia Santana and her husband, Salvador, have a meeting today with the district’s director of student services, Gloria Boyer, who has the authority to set aside the planned disciplinary measures in Sal’s case.

Today, once again we see the absurdity of public schools and their oh-so-PC agenda. Punishing a 12-year-old boy for behaving as one. When did it become sexual harassment to stick out your tongue at someone, especially if you haven’t a clue as to what the term means?

Such a precedent was set by William Jefferson Clinton and his leftist friends. It’s okay for a grown married man, a father of a teenage daughter, who happens to be the President of the United States, to receive oral sex in the Oval Office, and then lie about it, plus encourage others to lie for him, but yet it’s Sexual Harassment for a 12-year-old school kid to stick out his tongue? Give me a break.

I do not encourage misbehavior at all, but I think in this situation, if I had just gotten a 3-day suspension for sticking out my tongue at a female classmate, then I would’ve certainly pressed on for a full week, as I left, by giving this teacher the finger. Or on second thought, maybe the kid should’ve just told the teacher and girl to “put some ice on it”. It worked for Bill!

So, as I close this column, let us be aware that we have something to be thankful for, and yet, we have so far to go, to become a better place. The stupidity and the arrogance of some, as the above stories reflect, tell us one and all, that we should be a little more in touch with reality, for whatever that may be worth.