Bill – The “Fix-It” Man

Do you remember the character on the old Andy of Mayberry Show, Emmit, the Fix-It Man? No matter what you dropped off to him in his little cluttered shop, you could bank on the fact that he was the “fix-it” man! He was the only one of his kind in this fictitious little town. Today, we have our own “fix-it” man, and the sad part is that it is not fictitious at all. May I introduce you to “Bill – The Fix-It Man”.

Well, well. What have we here? First, it was the “fix-it” plan for the fund raising, just before Clinton was to testify before the OIC Grand Jury. While Bill was out doing what he does best, lying and raising Campaign Contributions, he was content to know that his Spin-Meisters and Prop-Meisters were working overtime for his upcoming videotaped appearance before the Grand Jury. While the Clintonistas were preparing the script, the props, and the propaganda, Mr. Bill was “Dialing For Dollars”, with his “first mate, Al “Capone” Gore. (Sorry, no intent to insult the real Mr. Capone) The “fix” was in…Mr. Thomason would set the stage just right for Bill’s testimony. The right pictures, the right suit, the right background, the right ambiance….even the right set of “half-truths”.

Next, we see the TV speech that The Slick-Mesiter pitched to the public on the night of his testimony that he had given previously that day. Mea Culpa? More like “Hea Liar”…and a very good one at that. Shaking his finger, squinting those beady eyes, and telling America that what he testified to and what he said was “legally accurate”. I suppose that’s akin to being a little bit pregnant. He also said that he had some regrets. Yeah, that he got caught. Wild Bill also spoke of his “private life” being investigated. ‘Scuse me, Bill, but the people are “legally accurate” when we claim that what you did while in “our house”. Ya dig? Ken Starr was blamed for the lives that Clinton had ruined.  And the large dollar amounts spent by Clinton’s friends and allies. Lastly, Bill said he and his family were going away, to try to “fix” his marriage. (My words…not his) So, here again, we see Bill, the “Fix-It” man.

Bill the Fix-It Man returns from his vacation, to tell the people that he had ordered American forces to bomb a medicinal plant in Afghanistan. Hell, he and his folks got the info about the plant on the internet. Intelligence such as this is big-time stuff. But…Clinton was not advised of everything that these websites told! Duh! Good ole Bill. Now, he’s doing the work of the American people and “fixing” terrorism! What a guy. Awesome Bill.

Now, Premier Clinton is in Russia, trying to help his old drinking buddy, Boris, dig out from under the fallen rubble! (rubble – rubel – ruble….does it matter here?>Billsky is the man to turn things around in Russia. He will promise them billions of dollars that we don’t have; promise them that we will destroy all our missiles and nuclear arms; promise that we would never strike them first; ’cause America is a “turn the other cheek” kinda country. The economy of Russia is in shambles, and while our stock market here, looking like a Humpty Dumpy parody, The Slickster goes to the country that he so loves. To hell with America. He can “fix it” when he gets back. The most important thing is going to Russia, “fixing” their economy, propping up Boris, (I mean literally), and telling those Russian college kids that it’s important to pay their fair share. How much deeper can it get? This, is from a duck president who wouldn’t know the truth if Abe Lincoln kicked him in the crotch with it! Rest easy, folks. Clinton is fixing things again. He’ll be home soon!

When he gets home, I think everyone should write our President and tell him to keep his keister at home, and for God’s sake, don’t go around “fixing” anything else. We simply can’t afford it. What he needs to “fix” is his plans for getting out of office…sooner rather than later. If he doesn’t leave or is not impeached, we, as a nation, is “fixing” to be in a mess.